ChantRant has learned that the Tuscaloosa braintrust, after being rebuffed by Rich Rodriguez, has turned its attention to a new list of candidates for the Tide head coaching job. They include:
1. Forrest Gump - Who better than one of the fastest, most quotable, and best-loved players ever to wear the Crimson and White? Truly, Forrest epitomizes everything great about the Tide pigskin tradition. And think what a great "first lady" Jenny will be, as she helps Forrest restore an air of dignity to the position not seen since the days of The Bear.
2. Hayden Fox - This up-and-comer has gained a reputation as a proven winner after putting the Minnesota State Screaming Eagles on the college football map. Hiring Fox means a package deal for Bama, as he brings his trusted assistants Luther and Dauber to form a solid foundation for the staff. Best of all, put a houndstooth hat on the tall, stern Fox and he's practically a dead-ringer (sorry, poor choice of words) for Bear Bryant.
3. Mike Price - Don't laugh. All reports say that Price is a changed man since slinking off to UTEP. So if he was a good enough to walk in the footsteps of The Bear a few years ago, why not a second chance? Why should a few silly lap dances get in the way of making Bryant-Denny rock like it's 1973?